Klee's Cleanse Anyone?

[airedale]

Some probably remember an infomercial on TV of a wacko named Klee selling a colon cleanse. I got an email from a friend of mine that saw and sent me a first hand review going around on the internet of some guy that tried it. While not funny for the victim taking that crap (PUN INTENDED) his description of it's effects was too funny, I about pissed my pants reading it LOL!!!

Al

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OMG-Let’s just say-This stuff really works and could change your life.
I started the program on a Thursday in anticipation of needing to remain close to home and a bathroom over a long weekend. My first mistake was under-estimating the amount of toilet paper I would need-I figured one roll a day and I had 5 rolls to get me through 4 days. By Saturday morning, I was out of TP so I jumped into the shower, my 5th shower in 2 days, and drove the 20 minutes to a grocery store. I knew it was risking maneuver as I’d been hitting the toilet every 20 minutes but I felt like things had progressed through my system and was slowing down-This was my 2nd mistake. As I approached the grocery store, I felt a gassy bubble approaching my exit and started feeling a little uncomfortable. I got out of my car and when I did, things started shifting internally and that little gassy feeling felt like a full on avalanche approaching.

As I walked into the grocery store, I started looking for the restroom-which of course was in the back of the store up a flight of stairs. I briskly walked towards my goal and by the time I reached the back of the store, I was walking like The Hunchback of Notre-Dame. My 3rd mistake was thinking that I would be able to relieve some pressure by letting out a little “gas”-That was not gas. At the base of the stairs and the restroom only 20ft away, I took one step up and that was enough to break the dam of fecal hell. That gassy feeling was not gas at all.

At this point, I had nothing to lose and sprinted into a stall. As I sat there an absolute mess in a graffiti ridden, grocery store bathroom stall, I started reflecting on my life’s decisions and what led up to this moment of utter embarrassment. It was at that moment, that I found god. I sat there, not quite in tears, praying for a change of life style-asking god for forgiveness for my sins. I started thinking of the dog that I gave away when I couldn’t responsibly take care of him, the girlfriend I cheated on in college, and other life regrets. After about 20 minutes, and another round of colon discharge, I got myself together only to run out of toilet paper again-My sincere apologies to the Kroger store in VA as I had to use hand towels to clean up, tossing my underwear in the trash and clogging the toilet. My last mistake, which was technically my first mistake, was wearing grey sweat pants and not wearing a baseball hat to hide my shame. Needless to say, I was able to buy 2 of the largest packs of TP and head home where the cycle continued for the next 2 days.

I lost 7lbs in 4 days.

I recommend-
Stocking up on TP
Remain close to a bathroom
Have your laundry completed with extra towels
Drink lots of water
If you have to leave the house, pack a suit case of cleaning materials and backup clothes
Wear a hat if you leave the house-It just feels right and could be used in an emergency

 

 

Edited April 8, 2019 by airedale