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Yesterday I was at my local Tractor Supply store buying a large bag of my dog's food for my loyal livestock guard dog and was in the checkout, when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog?

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 pounds before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the curb to sniff an Irish Setter's rear end and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tractor Supply.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of things to say.

 

Funny for the day.

 

 

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Chef your to young to be retired who ya kidding 

I heard he struck a Jerky deal one night with the Jerkman and has been sipping pina coladas ever since


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I heard he struck a Jerky deal one night with the Jerkman and has been sipping pina coladas ever since


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Hehehehe.... I prefer to do my jerkin alone or with women. Not the jerk man lol..


Oh drunken decisions


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1 hour ago, crappyice said:


I heard he struck a Jerky deal one night with the Jerkman and has been sipping pina coladas ever since


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He would be if jerkman didn't  leave the table when negotiations stalled out at 20 mill.

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He would be if jerkman didn't  leave the table when negotiations stalled out at 20 mill.
That decision still irritates me every now and again. Alas back then it would have been nowhere near that. Krave had just started and their jerky was dog shit. Still is in fact. But years later that would have worked out to roughly 20 mill once Hershey's foolishly purchased Krave

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Chef - you are retired? Wtf. How? Aren’t you like 35? Former investment banker?


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"The sportsman lives his life vicariously. For he secretly yearns to have lived before, in a simpler time. A time when his love for the land, water, fish and wildlife would be more than just part of his life. It would be his state of mind."

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Chef - you are retired? Wtf. How? Aren’t you like 35? Former investment banker?


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Something like that, I just decided I didn’t want to work... I sit on the couch all day and make my wife go out and earn a living.


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2 hours ago, chefhunter86 said:


Something like that, I just decided I didn’t want to work... I sit on the couch all day and make my wife go out and earn a living.


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You're not the genius behind the Kinky Chef live video chat site that's been sweeping the nation, by any chance?

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