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Today’s chuckle

Water Rat

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A man’s printer started printing more and more faintly, so he called a local repair shop.
A friendly young man informed him, “Well, you could bring it in for a cleaning, but we charge $50 for that, so you might be better off just reading the manual and trying the job yourself.”
Pleasantly surprised by this candor, the man said, “Thanks, son. Does your boss know that you discourage business?”
“Actually, it was my boss’s idea,” said the young employee. “He says that if we let people try to fix things themselves first, we end up making even more money!”
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A farmer buys a rooster. Within the first three hours the rooster bangs all the chickens, twice. Before the end of the day, he gives them all one more round. The next day, he does all the chickens and then all the ducks! The following morning, the farmer finds him laying there looking half dead. Farmer says, "Look what you did to yourself, you horny bastard." The rooster looks at the farmer and points to the sky saying, "Shhh. You see those buzzards circling up there? They are about to land." 

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This is from a Canadian:
"I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Toronto.  I think it should be the goal of every Canadian to be tolerant, regardless of their religious beliefs.  Thus, the mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance."
"That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque; thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque.  We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, The Turban Cowboy, and the other, a topless bar, would be called You Mecca Me Hot."
"Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called Iraq of Ribs."
Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret", with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods, and on the other side, a liquor store called Morehammered."
All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us.
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I went to Walmart today , and I was there for literally 5 minutes. When I came out there was a state trooper writing a parking ticket for being in a handicap spot.

 I went up to him and said, “Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?”

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket so I called him a pencil-necked cop.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!

Then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he’s so ugly.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket!

This went on until he had placed 5 tickets on the windshield… the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote.

 I finally walked away. I didn’t care. My car was parked in row seven half way down.

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