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Anyone elses friends turn lame at age 40?


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I think what you described is much more common; people who maintain large circles later in life are the exception to the rule. At least in my opinion. It is hard to build friendships as one ages. Guys are weird sometimes - look at all the same responses here, yet nothing really done about it. It's who we are as a species, maybe.

What I have learned as my circles have shrunk and changed, is that we tend to value quality over quantity. Meaning, we may only get together on rare occasions but it's usually for a big reason. Bills game for example. A good friend of mine and I have only been able to get together in person for a playoff game three of the past four seasons. JAX, HOU, and BUF (2020 covid aside). He moved to Florida last spring.

We've "lived it up" each time. He flew up for this past weekend's game. It's almost to the point where we don't even plan it, and now we just expect that we're going to be going to the first round game. Outside of that, I haven't been able to connect with him since he moved to FL. But, we pick up right where we leave off.

But, guys are guys. We're dumb sometimes. We take too much pride in driving ourselves into the ground like its penance, once we reach the age of "adulthood." It's ok to get old and still have fun with friends from time to time and not be made to feel like you're greedy or irresponsible for doing so.

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i'm in my late 30's. In high school and college i had a ton of friends and some real tight knit groups of very close friends. All of which I see every once in a long while and we always pick up where we left off like nothings changed. But now, yeah I see a few guys here and there and that's it. It's not so much that we're all lame, it's just that we have kids. Factor in trying to have a healthy relationship with the wife, spending time with the kids, staying in shape and a demanding job it doesn't leave a lot of free time, and that free time I usually spend in the woods.

I missed our annual live fantasy football draft in NC this year because it was the only time I could do our summer trip to the daks. Everyone of the crew with kids understood that I would put that first, those without kids did not. I still got shit from all of them and that's cool as it's just ball busting and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Edited by Belo
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52 minutes ago, phade said:

It's ok to get old and still have fun with friends from time to time and not be made to feel like you're greedy or irresponsible for doing so.

I agree with this 100%. I will also say that it's ok if you don't want to have an active social life. It's not good for anyone to be a hermit, but if some alone time, or activities with the kids makes you happy you shouldn't feel the need to go out if you'd rather feel well rested in the morning.

My wife and I have a beach vacation planned next month with the whole goal of relaxing. She's more of the "lets go out and do stuff vacation person" but she's also a stay at home mom. Me? I work my ass off and I'm just looking forward to relaxing and recharging.

I also think this forum is full of hunters, which I would guess would lean more on the solo and lone wolf side of society. Nothing wrong with that either. 

Edited by Belo
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I've always been lame, turning 40 last year had nothing to do with it. I've always preferred hanging out at a small house party versus going to a bar. I use to go to a lot of shows and concerts when I was younger but that was also when I worked an evening shift and went right from work to the event and still got 6-8 hours of sleep. 

I still hang out with the same core group of friends but now instead of every other weekend it's every other month and instead of a bar it's at some ones house for dinner and usually with everyone's kids there as well. I wouldn't change a thing about it. Sure the conversations can be lame like what shows are we watching or how much we are paying for cell phone's but in the end we still bust balls pretty good.

 

 

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I’ll be 40 this year ,not so much a bar person anymore but like going to breweries.Time is limited and my work schedule blows so ,I get out when I can .When I’m not working I do like to go out to eat and have drinks .Most of my buddies still don’t have kids ,have wild relationships and live the life LOL .I ran with wild crew ,I’m actually the tame one these days .Word to the wise -Stay away from younger women .Their bad news LOL .

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2 hours ago, Nomad said:

My only complaint with seeing bar bands is they start to late,  often 10 .

I have a Nephew here who plays in a pretty popular county band ,  “Branded “ , but a 10 o’clock start on the other side of the city is a no go for me . 

You know your old when 10 is late . Not judging agreeing …

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49 minutes ago, WNYTRPR said:

I’ll be 40 this year ,not so much a bar person anymore but like going to breweries.Time is limited and my work schedule blows so ,I get out when I can .When I’m not working I do like to go out to eat and have drinks .Most of my buddies still don’t have kids ,have wild relationships and live the life LOL .I ran with wild crew ,I’m actually the tame one these days .Word to the wise -Stay away from younger women .Their bad news LOL .

in private moments my single friends will always tell me they'd rather be settled down with a good woman. I missed online dating and tinder and think man that would be fun. All my single buddies tell me it's not what you think.

everyone thinks the grass is greener

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I agree with everyone here. Some close friends move on or pass away. I'm 64 and two of my best friends have passed on. 

I do think this topic is a little ironic though. I see most of your same names almost everyday when I log on. Everyone is kibitzing about the general topics of hunting or fishing and busting balls as if they are  standing next to each other in the same room or driving to a hunting spot. Busting balls is truly one the most enjoyments in life. So what I'm trying to say is, All of the people on this site are close friends and social media is taking over how we meet and become friends. Because of our busy schedules, It allows us to converse when each of us has time to sit down at the computer and catch up on what everyone is up to. I do consider everyone friends,  although, most of us would not know each other's faces if we passed one another in a Cabela's store

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24 minutes ago, Belo said:

in private moments my single friends will always tell me they'd rather be settled down with a good woman. I missed online dating and tinder and think man that would be fun. All my single buddies tell me it's not what you think.

everyone thinks the grass is greener

They both have there Pros and cons .Good women are hard to find ,and I’m sure guys too .My Wife was in retail management,I don’t think there was one female that didn’t cheat .Crazy stories 

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1 hour ago, Belo said:

in private moments my single friends will always tell me they'd rather be settled down with a good woman. I missed online dating and tinder and think man that would be fun. All my single buddies tell me it's not what you think.

everyone thinks the grass is greener

Online dating is the furthest thing from fun. Trust me. 

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2 hours ago, rob-c said:

You know your old when 10 is late . Not judging agreeing …

I'll credit this to my sister who told me this last week:

"60 may be the new 40, but 10pm is the new midnight"

 

Edited by Otto
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I think we are just like bucks. Lots of bachelor groups around of 1.5 and occasional 2.5 year olds. As bucks get older, they tolerate less company from the same gender in most cases.

Of course I’m being facetious, I think, but I can say my friendship circle has gotten much smaller for lots of reasons. One of those may be because half of those guys I used to hang around with drive me nuts now.

I was a lead singer and guitarist in a band for a while. You think starting at 10 sucks, try being in the band and feeling the abuse on both ends. Am I write @splitear?

Anyway, I definitely do miss my friends sometimes. The thing is, my family and professional life have taken priority…on purpose.

Oh and hunting alone has had its perks for me at times, although I sometimes miss the camaraderie.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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27 minutes ago, onlybrowning said:

I think we are just like bucks. Lots of bachelor groups around of 1.5 and occasional 2.5 year olds. As bucks get older, they tolerate less company from the same gender in most cases.

Of course I’m being facetious, I think, but I can say my friendship circle has gotten much smaller for lots of reasons. One of those may be because half of those guys I used to hang around with drive me nuts now.

I was a lead singer and guitarist in a band for a while. You think starting at 10 sucks, try being in the band and feeling the abuse on both ends. Am I write @splitear?

Anyway, I definitely do miss my friends sometimes. The thing is, my family and professional life have taken priority…on purpose.

Oh and hunting alone has had its perks for me at times, although I sometimes miss the camaraderie.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

We used to do 10-2 at a joint in Glens Falls, that sucked, and it was before I had a 3 year old climbing into bed at 6am. I'm glad we don't do that anymore. Our latest now is 12:30, and it's only 10 minutes home for me.  We also don't play too much, but a busy summer schedule does get old between band, work and family. However, I miss it something awful when we're not playing, so I'll carry in as long as I can. I've never been one to party, it's all about playing music for me. 
I am the lame one, I duck behind stage and read a book on breaks, but I've been that way for as long as I can remember. 
Whereabouts in the state did you play out of curiosity? What kind stuff? 

Edited by Splitear
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9 hours ago, WNYTRPR said:

.Good women are hard to find ,and I’m sure guys too

I was blessed to find the right one from the start. High school seniors, different schools, total different upbringing and socio economic backgrounds, and her parents said "he'll never amount to nothing". At 19 years old we married (1978), and have been each others best friend and partner as well as spouse, through some terribly difficult times in this life journey. Always there for each other, and after all these years it still has not changed!

Her parents were right about one thing though, I did not ever amount to a "nothing", which they ultimately came to realize and acknowledge.     Never would they have imagined the poor kid from the projects they did not want their daughter to marry, would someday be called, Doctor.           : )

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Enjoy your friends while you've got them... I just lost another one a couple of days ago....

I don't care how healthy a lifestyle you live, once you reach  your late 60's/early 70's you're living on borrowed time...

Just check out the obituaries  once in awhile...

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I don't know about anyone else here, but I would be six feet under if I continued the lifestyle I lived in my 20's and early 30's with my friends back then.

Right now, I don't think I could pick out some of those friends in a lineup. 

I think I slept 2-3 hours a night for over a decade and like the song says, drank enough whiskey to turn a battleship around.

Once I started focusing on work and traveling, I only saw my really close friends at weddings + funerals.

I have a core group of brothers in arms, but we only meet up a couple of times a year and the world is a safer place because of that.

 

   

 

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Friends are either 10 years older or 10 to 20 years younger, as for concerts got way to expensive to enjoy same with most sports..  20s were big change getting 40 people to go to bills game was easy  by 25  was lucky to get 2 to go along..  priorities change 

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9 hours ago, Pygmy said:

Enjoy your friends while you've got them... I just lost another one a couple of days ago....

When you get to be my age most of your friends will be lame-Physically

You hit the nail on the head Dan, I was with some friends shooting the breeze this past fall and got to talking about baseball and softball which I played a lot of when a young feller and come to realize that out of a couple of dozen teammates just me and one other guy are still alive. Same with many of the folks I hunted with, man have passed on or are not able to get around well physically.

As for concerts I went to quite a few back in the day but the bands I prefer are now mostly older than me and pretty much shutdown. The stuff that is tried to be passed off as music today I have no desire to see or listen to.

Al

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