Hunting jokes. Lets hear them boys. (and girls)

[Robinson446]

Lets hear your hunting jokes. Thought this would be a fun post to start.

[wooly]

A hunter carrying a sheep walks into his kitchen where his wife is preparing supper. He says: "This pig is who I have sex with when you're not around."

His wife responded: "That's not a pig, that's a sheep."

The hunter looked at her & said: "I wasn't talking to you!" 

[Robinson446]

A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.  After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!"  The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well Little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?" The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.  Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.   As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.    The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back.   Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration, "CRAP ! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!"

[MuzzyLoader]

Two hunters went to Canada to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read “BEAR LEFT” - so they went home.

[fasteddie]

Cletus and Ramidogg are dragging a deer through a field with a lot of thick brush and the deers antlers are catching on everything making the task quite difficult . NYAntler happens along and suggests that if they drag the buck by the horns that it would make the drag much easier and continues on .

About 30 minutes later NYAntler happens on the pair still dragging the deer . NY says ," now doesn't that make it easier to to drag that big buck" ?

Ramidogg responds with , " yeah , but we're getting a lot farther from the truck " !

[nyantler]

Hey thanks for including me in the joke

[First-light]

What the doe say when she came out of the woods? I'll never do again that for two bucks!

What's a deer with no eyes? No idea!

What's a deer with no eyes and no dick? No fawking idea!

[MuzzyLoader]

Three guys are out hunting and sitting around the evening campfire exchanging their worst experiences.

The first guy says the worst thing that ever happened to him was, he was up on scaffold 7 stories high washing windows when the scaffold collapsed and he fell, breaking every bone in his body and he was hospitalized for six months.

The second guy says the worst thing that ever happened to him was, he was hitch-hiking and a Greyhound bus ran over him, breaking his back and he wound up in the hospital for nearly a year.

The 3rd guy was not saying anything, so one of the others asked him about his worst experience.

He said, "Well, I'll tell you about the second worst thing that ever happened to me, I was out hunting one time and I had to take a shit, so I stepped behind a tree, dropped my trousers, and crouched down into *the* position."

"Yeah? What happened next?" Asks his friend.

"I got a little too close to the ground and -- WHAM -- a bear trap snapped shut on my testicles."

One of the other guys said, "God! If that was the second worst, what in the world was the worst?"

He calmly replied, "Oh, that would be when I reached the end of the chain. . ."  ???

[apertureguy]

Muzzy...that one has always been my favorite.

I can remember my brother telling me that joke while we were in the woods one year.

I giggled the entire day & didn't see one deer.

[MuzzyLoader]

Muzzy...that one has always been my favorite.

I can remember my brother telling me that joke while we were in the woods one year.

I giggled the entire day & didn't see one deer.

LOL.  Deer can hear giggles!   

[bubba]

A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day.  That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.  "Where's Henry?"  "Henry had a nasty fall and broke both of his legs. He's a couple of miles back up the trail."  "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?!"  "A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"

[bubba]

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.

The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.

Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"

[bubba]

Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, "Did you see that?"

"No," the second guy says.

"Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first guy says.

"Oh," says the second guy.

A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, "Did you see that?"

"See what?" the second guy asks.

"Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there."

"Oh."

A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?"

By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, "Yes, I did!"

And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?"

[bubba]

A few years back, a farmer was having problems with a bear climbing up his tree in the back yard. So, he hired this guy who came very highly recommended to catch the bear.

The hunter came with a shotgun, rope, and a small dog. He gave the shotgun to the farmer and said, "Stay down here and I'll climb the tree, and shake the branches. When the bear falls, my dog will bite on his nuts, and while the bear is in agony, I'll come down and tie him up with the rope. Okay?"

The farmer nodded his head and asked, "But what is the shotgun for?"

The hunter replied, "Well, sometimes I fall off the tree. In that case, shoot the dog - and fast!"