ELMER J. FUDD

By Jeff Foxworthy Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, The beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler, The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys, I was camped out on my old La-Z-Boy, The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife, The worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives, My wife couldn't argue and neither could I, So I watched TV and my wife, she just cried When out in the yard the dog started barkin' I stood up and looked and saw Sheriff Larkin He yelled, "Roy I amd sworn to uphold the laws And I got a complaint from a feller named Clause." I said, "Clause, I don't know nobody named Clause, And you ain't takin me in without probable cause." Then the Sheriff he said, "The man was shot at last night." I said, "That might've been me, just whats he look like? The Sheriff replied, "Well he's a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly That shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly He sports a long beard and a nose like a cherry." I said, "That sounds like my wife's sister Sherri." "It's no time for jokes Roy," the Sheriff he said, "The man I'm describing is dressed all in red I'm here for the truth now, it's time to come clean, Tell me what you done, and tell me what you seen." Well I started to lie then I thought what the hell It wouldn't be the first time I spent New Years in jail. I said, "Sheriff it happened last night about ten, I thought that my wife had been drinking again." When she walked in from works she was white as a ghost I thought maybe she'd seen one of them UFO's But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her head And stopped on the roof of our good neighbor Red, Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shutter, A freezer full of venison standing right on Red's gutter. Well, my hands were a shaking as I grabbed my gun, When outta Red's chimney this feller did run And slung on his back was this bag overflowin' I thought he'd stolen Red's stuff while old Red was out bowlin' So I yelled, "Drop it fat boy, hands in the air." But he went about his business like he hadn't a care So I popped off a warning shot over his head, Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled, And as he flew off i heard him extort, "Thats assault with intent Roy, I'll see you in court."Ill tell you what sheriff if you put a subnet on me I wont show up ill hold up in the cellar and you�ll never rout me outta there so why don�t you just turn car off come in well watch wrestling eat some Easter bunny stew and talk about howta catch that tooth fairy she�s been over here about every other night Merry Christmas from E.J.F. Thanx for all the usefull info and stories guys.

YUP. Comes with a free glass pack muffler!

Guy must still play with toys and trains "accidents happen"

I heard there's a new gun which requires you to blow into the trigger before you fire it.

instant gold!

http://www.etradebabymail.com/?mId=37998849.3 ;D

Wildcats, tell us about the man on horseback.

I'll always be partial towards a real tree. My family sold them for 50 years. As a kid and up until high school, it's how I made my Christmas jing. Family changes forced the end of that, but the memories are forever. It made me who I am today. How many 10 year olds do you know that can lift and tie down an 8 ft tree to a car roof? They came from Bull Moose Hill in New Brunswick Canada.

got this in a text a few years back.

$315 MILLION , $1 billion... It's all the same...

I just heard on the radio, " 2 L.I. hunters were arrested in Ulster County" They said the one guy looked like he was having a medical problem, so the officers approached and realized he and his partner were drunk coming out of the woods. This was at mohonk preserve I think.

Sorry to hear that. Hang in there. Keep his memory alive by doing what he would do regarding the sport.

Try the WMU specific sections, or the General Hunting sections. So how's the snowboarding up in Rangeley, ME?

Just an FYI. Last night a had to pick up a box of sabots at the Fishkill Walmart. I open the box to check, and there's plain Winchester SLUGS IN A REMINGTON COPPER SOLID BOX! I told one worker who barely had a pulse. I don't think he understood. Make sure you check'em before you buy guys...

Jumped some deer this evening. They were under my stand. Then we played musical thickets.

I just saw on Tecomate, they have game retarding fences around the food plots. When the forage is ready, they raise the bottom of the fences for the deer.

Beef jerky, protein bar, and water.

I just hope the family can pull through, and that the media does twist the story because said douchebag was illegally taking wildlife, not hunting.

Why? The perp was not hunting or participating in any legal activity. Its another crime. Anti's will associate it with hunters in general.

Bad for the sport...

http://www.gettysburgtimes.com/news/local/article_1d16dd3a-ee17-11df-9e88-001cc4c002e0.html

I intentionally chose a low percentage area for my DMP selection this year so I would get preference points for next year and try for 4H.

In Dutchess County the activity has really been picking up. I think BSH is right. I've seen a few bucks off the roads, crossing the roads, and one walking up my road, all with thier nose to the dirt. Yesterday I almost hit a doe. I was doing 15 mph, then a nice buck with a drop tine almost hit my truck! He was chasing her hard, tongue hanging out and all. Sunday evening an uneven spike came up 10 feet behind my son and I (15 feet behind me). His nose was in the dirt. He didn't seem alarmed at all, took a right and stop 20 yds down the hill. I missed him because my string hit my jacket. It happened so fast. My son was stoked. I thought for a second that we were going to be attacked! LOL! Sunday morning a 3 point was walking right up my road and didn't even acknowledge me when I stopped. I rolled down the window and asked him if the rut was on yet! He just stepped of to the shoulder and kept sniffing up the hill at the same pace. I've been seeing more does with bucks too. There is a difference between 2 deer running from something and a doe playing hard to get with a buck. I'm definitely seeing the latter. FYI - the spike was in Wappingers, the other 2 bucks were in East Fishkill. I've also seen alot more movement Sunday morning at another location, just no antlers. (where my trailcam and treestand is)

4H is hard to come by.

Good job. Good Karma will come back your way one day.