Political humor

[Water Rat]

[9jNYstarkOH]

[9jNYstarkOH]

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[9jNYstarkOH]

[Steuben Jerry]

[squirrelwhisperer]

[squirrelwhisperer]

A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost.   She lowers her altitude and spots Donald Trump fishing from a boat below.   She shouts to him, "Excuse me, can you help me?  I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

Donald consults his portable GPS and replies, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level.  You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude

She rolls her eyes and says, "You must be a Republican!"

"I am," replies the Trump. "How did you know?"

"Well," answers the balloonist, "everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information;  and I'm still lost.  Frankly, you're not much help to me." 

 

Trump smiles and responds, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," says Trump, "you don't know where you are or where you're going.   You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air.    You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem.   You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met; but, somehow, now it's my fault."

[squirrelwhisperer]

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old  Virginia farmer, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to Biden and his possible role as our president. 
The old farmer said, 'Well, ya know, Biden is a 'Post Turtle''. 
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him, what a 'post turtle' was. 
The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.

 

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. 

"You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put him up there to begin with."

[squirrelwhisperer]

[squirrelwhisperer]

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[squirrelwhisperer]

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[Water Rat]

[Water Rat]

[Water Rat]

[Water Rat]

[Water Rat]

[Water Rat]

[squirrelwhisperer]

In the hospital where a family member lay gravely ill, the relatives gathered in the waiting room. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, "How much will a brain cost?" 

The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a Democrat's brain; $200 for a Republican's brain."

The moment turned awkward. Some of the Democrats actually had to try not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the Republicans. 

A man unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,"Why is the Democrat's brain so much more than a Republican's brain?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to price the Republicans' brains a lot lower because they're used."