A couple had only been married for two weeks....

[EspressoBuzz]

A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back." 

"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer." The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses... "

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips.

"But my sweet honey...at the bar....you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."

"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?...LISTEN UP D**KHEAD! SIT DOWN, SHUT THE F**K UP, DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG, AND EAT YOUR F**KIN' HORS D'OEUVRES. BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED A** ISN'T GOING TO A F**KIN' BAR! THAT S**T IS OVER... GOT IT, A**HOLE?"

...and they lived happily ever after.

[Jeremy K]

I'm thinking THEY did not live happily ever after.

[Rattler]

Exactly the reason no MAN will ever get married.  No MAN would ever allow that type of dictatorship in his life.  Plus, a woman competes with solitude.  Variety is more enjoyable and less expensive.  Child support is far less expensive than adding divorce and alimony to the mix.  Ex-wives are the #1 reason for restraining orders and firearms confiscation.  Lastly, it has been said, no man really knows what happiness is until marriage...........but by then, it's too late.  

(I was never able to compromise anyway)

[Paula]

Lots of MEN get married, i take it your not?

[ny hunter]

Been married almost 26 years.........And very happy the wife would never tell me I can"t do something..Nor would I tell her..

[Rattler]

21 hours ago, Paula said:

Lots of MEN get married, i take it your not?

Lots of males get married.  I never will.

[diplomat019]

50 minutes ago, Rattler said:

Lots of males get married.  I never will.

You probably jerk off way too much too! Hahahahahha.   

[PREDATE]

I married the woman of my dreams 1 month ago.
Hands down the best day of my life.
Strange how some "males" can proclaim manhood by being a self serving slob

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[BizCT]

Been married almost 26 years.........And very happy the wife would never tell me I can"t do something..Nor would I tell her..

Same.


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[stoneam2006]

Married 4 years so far and wife don't say no much

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[DirtTime]

8 hours ago, Rattler said:

Lots of males get married.  I never will.

I am not even sure what this means. Rattler, are you saying men who get married aren't "real men" in your point of view? You don't like that Uptown Redneck dude, but this is something he would come up with.

 

BTW, the original post was a joke by EspressoBuzz, but people took it too seriously. 

[Rattler]

And my reply was also a joke that some people took offense to.  However I really do think you do give up your manhood when you get married, at least in this country.  Legally you have surrendered all of your rights when you got married in America, and believe me your wife knows it (and I believe you do too).  I wish you all good luck, and remember, "never" is a very looooong time.

 

And Dip, it's a statistical fact married men indulge in that activity far more often than active single men do.

Edited July 26, 2016 by Rattler
further reply to Dip

[DirtTime]

7 hours ago, Rattler said:

And my reply was also a joke that some people took offense to.  However I really do think you do give up your manhood when you get married, at least in this country.  Legally you have surrendered all of your rights when you got married in America, and believe me your wife knows it (and I believe you do too).  I wish you all good luck, and remember, "never" is a very looooong time.

 

And Dip, it's a statistical fact married men indulge in that activity far more often than active single men do.

This was hilarious! Watching porn to achieve relief will make your trigger finger less sensitive resulting in loss of accuracy while hunting. 

[diplomat019]

7 hours ago, Rattler said:

 

 

And Dip, it's a statistical fact married men indulge in that activity far more often than active single men do.

Have u hacked into my internet history??? Lol