Long lost language

[Deerthug]

I came across some of these sayings this weekend. Anyone ever hear them before?

what the old folks would say if they hadn't seen you in awhile : "Man I thought you fell in...."

Cheap person: He's so tight, he squeaks when he walks.'...

Dumb: "He couldn't cut his way out of a wet paper bag with two butcher knives".....

Sweating like a whore in church!

It's so dry that the fish have ticks!

And some more.....

Cuter’n a speckled pup under a red wagon!”Ice: “Slicker’n snot on a door knob!” or “Slicker’n greased owl sh—!”

Unintelligent: “Put that boys brain in a hummingbird and he’d fly upside down and backwards and suck a mule’s a— for a morning glory!”

Summer weather: “It’s hotter’n a ‘leven dollar cook stove!”

Winter weather: “It’s colder than a well digger’s a— in Idaho!”

Penny pincher: “He’d make Lincoln squeal!” or “Three turns tighter than tree bark!”

Age: “Older’n Methusalah!” or “Three years older’n dirt!”

‘It was so quiet, you could hear a mouse pee on cotton!’’

The (water/snow/whatever) was belly deep to a tall Injun!’’

That ol’ boy is so crooked, when he dies they’ll just screw him in the ground

(in the dark)’Madder’n a wet hen!’’Wilder’n a March hare!’’

He was so ugly as a kid, his momma had to tie a poke chop around his neck to get the puppy to play with him!’ ‘

He was so ugly he has to pull the sheet up over his head so sleep can slip up on him!’

[Paula]

some of those are funny, heard of 3 of them

Cheap person: He's so tight, he squeaks when he walks.'...

Sweating like a whore in church!

He was so ugly as a kid, his momma had to tie a poke chop around his neck to get the puppy to play with him!’ ‘

[Pygmy]

I've heard most of them, or similar versions...

here's a few more...

This road is bumpier than a hogs a** sewed up with logging chain...

Flatter than pi** on a platter..

Scarce as hen's teeth...

Lower than whale S**t...

Dumb as a box of rocks...

Nuttier than squirrel s**t...

Finer than frog's hair...

[WNYBuckHunter]

Ive heard a few of those. I have a bunch of those type of sayings I use, Ill list some, others would be so inappropriate, they would make some of your ancestors blush...

dry as a popcorn fart...

nervous as a dog sh*tting a peach pit...

off like a prom dress...

(that smell) could gag a maggot...

my new favorite...neck looks like a pack of hotdogs....

[Pygmy]

Nervous as a porcupine in mating season....

Here's one that would describe me as a YOUNG man ;

Horny as a bucketfull of bullheads...

I also know ( and have used) a few that are definitely not suitable for a public forum.

[Skillet]

-Dumber than a bag of hammers.

-That'll feel better when it stops dripping.

-Red as the head of a dog's d*ck.

-Dumber than the day is long.

-Gayer than a 3 dollar bill.

-Wronger than two boys F***ing

Edited July 9, 2012 by Skillet

[Culvercreek hunt club]

Heard most of these as well. and have many many a non family forum version.

Useless as screen doors on a submarine

nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of riocking chairs

(hard raining) Raining like a cow pi$$ing on a flat rock

[Deerthug]

my new favorite...neck looks like a pack of hotdogs....

Yeah I remember that one too!!! Dom came up with that one!

[WNYBuckHunter]

Yeah I remember that one too!!! Dom came up with that one!

Ive used it quite a few times since I heard it from him. Cracks people up every time!

[Pygmy]

Larry The Cable Guy... "That girl was so ugly she had marks on her where people had been touching her with a ten foot pole"....

Rodney Dangerfield.. I'm so ugly that when I was born the doctor took one look at me and slapped my MOTHER ! "...

Rodney Dangerfield.. " My mother in law is so ugly that if you look up the word UGLY in the dictionary, they have her PICTURE in there "...

[sampotter]

Skinny young man as described by my Grandad: "all pecker and whiplash"

[Pygmy]

Skinny young man as described by my Grandad: "all pecker and whiplash"

Hehehehe...Sam..I heard that one just a little different.." Nothing but pecker and eyeballs"...lol...

Same image, just a little different terminology....

Here's one describing a " socially challeged" guy...

He could'nt get laid in a whorehouse with a washtub full of quarters"...

[Elmo]

"I'm straighter than 6 o'clock"

"That girl is a butter face" (meaning = she has a nice body, damn "but 'er face....)

"They're all over me like flies on warm sh*t on a hot summer night"

[Skillet]

"I'm straighter than 6 o'clock"

I got one like that Elmo, "Straighter than a Grizzly's dick,.......... if he's been F**kin around corners!!!!"

Edited July 9, 2012 by Skillet

[dave6x6]

" Busy er' then a one legged man in an asss kickin' contest"

[dave6x6]

ugly girl-- " If my dog was that ugly, i'd shave his asss and teach em' to walk backwards''

[Elmo]

"D**k/a$$ tight"

(Used to refer when over crowded. As in "It was so crowded, people were d**k/a$$ tight" or "Man, it is d**k/a$$ tight in here!")

[wdswtr]

One I use all the time.

Busier than a 3 peckerd billy goat!

[wdswtr]

Well since this seems to be a no holding back thread lmao.

Rather plumb chick in tight pants- Her ass looks like a garbage bag full of chewed bubble gum.

Edited July 10, 2012 by wdswtr

[wdswtr]

Even the sun shines on a dogs ass once in awhile.

When the ex wife came home- I felt so miserable without you, it was almost like having you here.

Edited July 10, 2012 by wdswtr

[WNYBuckHunter]

Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs....

Uglier than a pack of a-holes....

[NFA-ADK]

Ok I am off like a fart in a windstorm!

[Elmo]

Ok I am off like a fart in a windstorm!

I've heard that used in a different context. Use to mean confusion. "A fart in the wind" You don't know where it came from.

[ELMER J. FUDD]

While observing the bouncers in a nightclub.

"They look like they're in a round room looking for the corner"

"Couldn't even shine his shoes" (when a worker is less competent than another)

" I forgot more than you know"

"Look at these too idiots, screwup and ----up!"

Two knuckleheads at work that seem to always associate w/ each other.

"The bag brothers...scum and douche"

[Dom]

"It's cold enough to freeze the ball's off a brass monkey" As useless as teet's on a boar good ole green apple quick steps