Worried about my daughter making the team....

[ApexerER]

My daughter has been playing soccer since she was 5. She started out playing Rec, then quickly moved to a club travel team. This past year she wanted even more so last summer she tried out for a "select" program and made their U14 team. They played in what is called the EDP league so instead of just playing teams in the capital district we played the best U14 teams in the East, from out to Rochester, VT, CT, RI, NJ, down to LI. They had a tremendous season and came in second place, not because of their record, their record was tied but because of goal differential. My daughter loved every second of being on this team, had coaches that played D1 ball, and improved overall as a player. So now she turned 14 so she has to try out for the U16 team. They held tryouts Monday and Wednesday and there were 48 kids trying out for this team. They will keep 16. My daughter is very good at soccer but not outstanding. Out of those 48 kids I could pick out 5 or 6 tops that looked like they were out matched and were not going to make the team. There were also 3 or 4 outstanding players that looked like they were ringers. I don't know what the coaches see out there that make their decisions for them. The couple outstanding kids were no brainers, the 6 or 8 not very good kids were easy to check off. Other than that it looked like there were about 35 or so kids out there that are very good at soccer just like my daughter. She is going to be heartbroken if she doesn't make this team. I keep checking my email, hoping there is an answer in my inbox. 

[Culvercreek hunt club]

14 minutes ago, ApexerER said:

My daughter has been playing soccer since she was 5. She started out playing Rec, then quickly moved to a club travel team. This past year she wanted even more so last summer she tried out for a "select" program and made their U14 team. They played in what is called the EDP league so instead of just playing teams in the capital district we played the best U14 teams in the East, from out to Rochester, VT, CT, RI, NJ, down to LI. They had a tremendous season and came in second place, not because of their record, their record was tied but because of goal differential. My daughter loved every second of being on this team, had coaches that played D1 ball, and improved overall as a player. So now she turned 14 so she has to try out for the U16 team. They held tryouts Monday and Wednesday and there were 48 kids trying out for this team. They will keep 16. My daughter is very good at soccer but not outstanding. Out of those 48 kids I could pick out 5 or 6 tops that looked like they were out matched and were not going to make the team. There were also 3 or 4 outstanding players that looked like they were ringers. I don't know what the coaches see out there that make their decisions for them. The couple outstanding kids were no brainers, the 6 or 8 not very good kids were easy to check off. Other than that it looked like there were about 35 or so kids out there that are very good at soccer just like my daughter. She is going to be heartbroken if she doesn't make this team. I keep checking my email, hoping there is an answer in my inbox. 

As a parent our children's heartbreaks are harder than our own. I hope it works out for her. Have her google some of the famous Pro athletes that actually got cut form their High School teams. What set them apart later in life was their drive to succeed and honestly some do blossom a bit later. 

Carmelo Anthony, Michael Jordan, Orel Hershiser and one that might have even more meaning to her, Lionel Messi. 

[ny hunter]

This sucks big time..... Best of luck I am sure she well rock....

[ny hunter]

Please let us know....,

[Bigfoot 327]

My youngest son really wanted to make his high school basketball team. He soon realized that even if he made the team he wouldn't get any playing time. One of his friends asked him to join the swim team. They were lacking people and he would be participating full time. By his senior year he was section champion in 2 events! Not making the basketball team is one of the best things that  ever happened to him.

Edited June 28, 2019 by Bigfoot 327

[moog5050]

I hope she makes it.  But if she doesn't, while she will be disappointed, its also a great growth experience.  How she responds is what is important and hopefully you can help her respond in a productive way.  Continue to work hard and improve (to make that team next year - she is one of the youngest already so not really expected that she would be among the top 16) and accepting disappointment gracefully but with determination is what I would want to encourage.  AS Culver pointed out, some failure can breed even greater success in the long run.

And in the end, remind her, the credit goes to those in the arena (win lose or draw), not the critics as Roosevelt said.

Edited June 28, 2019 by moog5050

[ApexerER]

6 minutes ago, Bigfoot 327 said:

My youngest son really wanted to make his high school basketball team. He soon realized that even if he made the team he wouldn't get any playing time. One of his friends asked him to join the swim team. They were lacking people and he would be participating full time. By his senior year he was section champion in 2 events! Not making the basketball team is one of the best things that  ever happened to him.

Funny how things work out....My daughter has lived and breathed soccer since she was 5. When she was 5 she was out there on the Rec team scoring goals almost at will which was easy because half the other kids were just picking dandilions. I have tried talking her into trying something else, just for the experience, but she is all about soccer. I thought she would have a hard time going from being the best player on her school team and club travel team to this "select" program where I am not sure she would have made the top 5 players on her team but it has only made her love it more playing with kids that have her ability. 

[rob-c]

Fingers crossed for her...

[Moho81]

1 hour ago, Culvercreek hunt club said:

As a parent our children's heartbreaks are harder than our own.

The older my kids get the more I realize how true this statement is. 

[crappyice]

And if she does make it what does that REALLY mean in the long run. I’m going through it now with baseball-I’m pushing for more and more and wonder for what? They ain’t making a living at baseball so the extra stress now (for them and me) at something that they SHOULD just love may be counterproductive.
Still cheering for her and her getting what she wants!!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[steve863]

13 minutes ago, crappyice said:

And if she does make it what does that REALLY mean in the long run. I’m going through it now with baseball-I’m pushing for more and more and wonder for what? They ain’t making a living at baseball so the extra stress now (for them and me) at something that they SHOULD just love may be counterproductive.
Still cheering for her and her getting what she wants!!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

You don't know how happy I am that my kids are not interested in playing team sports.  I see other parents run ragged with this stuff and like you I've often wondered for what?   I've even seen parents way more upset than the kids when the team loses or the child performs poorly.  That right there tells me more than I need to know.  To each their own, however. 

[ApexerER]

20 minutes ago, crappyice said:

And if she does make it what does that REALLY mean in the long run. I’m going through it now with baseball-I’m pushing for more and more and wonder for what? They ain’t making a living at baseball so the extra stress now (for them and me) at something that they SHOULD just love may be counterproductive.
Still cheering for her and her getting what she wants!!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

In the long run it probably really means very little. The stress for my daughter would come from not making the team. She loves practice and the games etc. 

[ApexerER]

1 minute ago, steve863 said:

 

You don't know how happy I am that my kids are not interested in playing team sports.  I see other parents run ragged with this stuff and like you I've often wondered for what?   I've even seen parents way more upset than the kids when the team loses or the child performs poorly.  That right there tells me more than I need to know.  To each their own, however. 

I love watching my daughter play. I am going to miss it when it is all over.....I also only have one child. There is no way I could do this with more than one....

Edited June 28, 2019 by ApexerER

[Eric J]

Have her Try her best..... that's All you can do!  If it happens.... Great... if not... I'm sure there is another league to join.... is she playing on her High School team?  If she rocks it there for four years she could play in college....

[First-light]

4 hours ago, ApexerER said:

My daughter has been playing soccer since she was 5. She started out playing Rec, then quickly moved to a club travel team. This past year she wanted even more so last summer she tried out for a "select" program and made their U14 team. They played in what is called the EDP league so instead of just playing teams in the capital district we played the best U14 teams in the East, from out to Rochester, VT, CT, RI, NJ, down to LI. They had a tremendous season and came in second place, not because of their record, their record was tied but because of goal differential. My daughter loved every second of being on this team, had coaches that played D1 ball, and improved overall as a player. So now she turned 14 so she has to try out for the U16 team. They held tryouts Monday and Wednesday and there were 48 kids trying out for this team. They will keep 16. My daughter is very good at soccer but not outstanding. Out of those 48 kids I could pick out 5 or 6 tops that looked like they were out matched and were not going to make the team. There were also 3 or 4 outstanding players that looked like they were ringers. I don't know what the coaches see out there that make their decisions for them. The couple outstanding kids were no brainers, the 6 or 8 not very good kids were easy to check off. Other than that it looked like there were about 35 or so kids out there that are very good at soccer just like my daughter. She is going to be heartbroken if she doesn't make this team. I keep checking my email, hoping there is an answer in my inbox. 

We were in the same situation last year. Hanging on for that email about making an ECNL U15 team. It came at the last minute before we were going to commit to another EDP team. She made the team. It was here dream to play with the best ECNL was it. Well a year has gone by now and we left. The fit wasn't right with the coach. He did some shitty things to his players and we could not stand it anymore. We pulled the plug after the last game for the season. They actually did real well and made the Nationals in San Diego. No way were we going with this guy running the ship. She tried out for a few teams and made each one, not boasting but she didn't even try out just went to open practices and the coaches granted her a spot on the team. We move on and learn a lesson. I'm sure your daughter played against some of our friends in EDP, Lake Grove Newfield is one team. Good luck! 

[crappyice]

 
You don't know how happy I am that my kids are not interested in playing team sports.  I see other parents run ragged with this stuff and like you I've often wondered for what?   I've even seen parents way more upset than the kids when the team loses or the child performs poorly.  That right there tells me more than I need to know.  To each their own, however. 

There’s a lot I agree with from the above however the journey of competitive team sports is not with success. The success (as a result of the sacrifice) is the reality that I have two outstanding sons who are strong, healthy, and know how to succeed and more importantly fail when the failure does not really matter in the long run. Success and failures at high levels of competition have prepared them for the inevitable triumphs, and more importantly again, the difficulties/disappointments in life.

My latest line to my boys when they start overthinking success or failure is, “well you better be perfect cuz if not you won’t have a house to come home to or a family that loves you.” Or “good thing you brought that trophy home(substitute any success- went 3-3; pitches well, etc), i guess we will let you live here a little longer.” The lunacy of the statements drive home perspective- no matter how much they feel it matters now, in the grand scheme it is all irrelevant compared to the journey and the people going through it with you.
Rant over....dump deployed...have a great weekend full of lunacy!!!!


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[ApexerER]

Well, she didn't make the "select" team. They want her on what they call the competitive team. My daughter was crushed but as the kids reached out to each other my daughter was realizing that nobody she spoke too so far that was on the team last year made the team this year. So now I am wondering if this is going to be an every other year even with this team. The girls make it when they are on the "older" side of the division and play down when they are younger. So far not one girl my daughter has spoken too that had to move up into the U16 age bracket has made the team. The coach called me, with all the "how great your daughter is at soccer" "I think being on this team for a developmental year will be the right thing for her" etc. These girls tied for first place in EDP which is the best teams in the East Coast region and all these girls contributed to that success. Kinda stinks that they just throw them on a lower team for a year until they are older. 

[Nomad]

I hope the best for you and your daughter , and that it works out in the best possible way .

I however am with Steve ,on youth sports .  I was actually happy when our youngest quit varsity basketball her senior year .

[moog5050]

18 minutes ago, ApexerER said:

Well, she didn't make the "select" team. They want her on what they call the competitive team. My daughter was crushed but as the kids reached out to each other my daughter was realizing that nobody she spoke too so far that was on the team last year made the team this year. So now I am wondering if this is going to be an every other year even with this team. The girls make it when they are on the "older" side of the division and play down when they are younger. So far not one girl my daughter has spoken too that had to move up into the U16 age bracket has made the team. The coach called me, with all the "how great your daughter is at soccer" "I think being on this team for a developmental year will be the right thing for her" etc. These girls tied for first place in EDP which is the best teams in the East Coast region and all these girls contributed to that success. Kinda stinks that they just throw them on a lower team for a year until they are older. 

Might be a good thing Apexer for many reasons.  Most of all, she will have plenty of real play time in competition.  I never understood kids that, for example, played varsity as a sophomore only to sit the bench.  Different story if you are starting.  Be a star at JV with lots of play time and move up the next year where you can shine again.  Hope she is taking it well.

[ApexerER]

7 minutes ago, moog5050 said:

Might be a good thing Apexer for many reasons.  Most of all, she will have plenty of real play time in competition.  I never understood kids that, for example, played varsity as a sophomore only to sit the bench.  Different story if you are starting.  Be a star at JV with lots of play time and move up the next year where you can shine again.  Hope she is taking it well.

She started every game last year at U14

She was crushed (lots of tears) at first but as the girls reached out to eachother and it became clear that it wasn't just her she seems to be feeling better about it. 

When I first broke the news to her I told her, real life isn't everyone deserves a trophy and neither of these teams are everyone deserves a trophy teams. She has 3 choices and only she can decide what she is going to do. I told her, You can quit, and I hope I am not raising a quitter, you can play, hang out with your friends, not care what team you are and just enjoy playing, or you can work your ass off, prove the coaches wrong, and show them they are wrong for not having you on the team. 

My guess though is not matter what she chooses, (other than quitting) she will be on the select team when she is on the old side of the division and developmental team when she is on the young age of the division. 

[grampy]

My grandson has been playing above his age level (15) for a couple years now, in baseball and football. Varsity level and playing/starting. And AA travel ball. At times I question if all this is just too much too soon? The constant weight training, practices, clinics, and games takes away from just being a kid. And he is just so driven to be better. No one is pushing him. Says he will give up fall baseball, to concentrate more on HS football this year. Even pushes through injuries. He says it's what he wants to do. But I still think he needs to slow down a little.

[Nomad]

I don’t feel I raised a quitter . In fact someone smart enough to see there was a far better use of her time , fall ball, summer ball, year round weight room, practice,  for what amounts to a few minutes of court time  . She ran the numbers once , I forget but it was many hours of that for each minute of court time .

Even then she was destined to be a successful CPA , “ Dad the numbers don’t make any sense.”

[moog5050]

13 minutes ago, grampy said:

My grandson has been playing above his age level (15) for a couple years now, in baseball and football. Varsity level and playing/starting. And AA travel ball. At times I question if all this is just too much too soon? The constant weight training, practices, clinics, and games takes away from just being a kid. And he is just so driven to be better. No one is pushing him. Says he will give up fall baseball, to concentrate more on HS football this year. Even pushes through injuries. He says it's what he wants to do. But I still think he needs to slow down a little.

I don't think its too much if he is self motivated Dave.  And he is just that good that it may pay for the next level.  I give him huge credit for being so driven.  A quality that seems to be lacking in some youth.

[dbHunterNY]

1 hour ago, grampy said:

My grandson has been playing above his age level (15) for a couple years now, in baseball and football. Varsity level and playing/starting. And AA travel ball. At times I question if all this is just too much too soon? The constant weight training, practices, clinics, and games takes away from just being a kid. And he is just so driven to be better. No one is pushing him. Says he will give up fall baseball, to concentrate more on HS football this year. Even pushes through injuries. He says it's what he wants to do. But I still think he needs to slow down a little.

it's fine to push hard but see to it he doesn't push the injury part. i've been many kids with awesome skill but too broken for anything next be it college or minor league stuff.  best thing he can do is play his heart out to get a nice free ride to a great school to get a college education in something he can use.  if he doesn't go trades route.

[grampy]

3 minutes ago, dbHunterNY said:

it's fine to push hard but see to it he doesn't push the injury part. i've been many kids with awesome skill but too broken for anything next be it college or minor league stuff.  best thing he can do is play his heart out to get a nice free ride to a great school to get a college education in something he can use.  if he doesn't go trades route.

He worked through an injury during school baseball. (winged scapula, from growing too fast) And a couple minor things from trying to lift too much weight. (I Think) Still throwing, up to 87mph on the gun, and he just wants more, never satisfied. Varsity football coach tells me he's a beast, and he's expecting him to really shine this year. (was voted lineman of the year last season) Already a couple universities showing interest. But in September, he'll only be starting 10th grade!!!

Yesterday instead of shooting our bows, he wanted me to do hitting drills with him. Said we can shoot next weekend. He said he needs to do better, if he is to get looked at from the D-1 schools????  What???  Buddy, you're only 15!

Just like the ApexerER's daughter, I do understand the love they have for a sport, and athletic's. And it is good to have kids motivated about ANYTHING these days, I get it. But I just don't understand the drive that motivates some of these kids at such a young age? It just doesn't seem normal to me. At some point athletics will be over, what then?