Jump to content

Todays (clean) chuckle


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 1.3k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent Russian threats and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. The Russians have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s Get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

John Cleese – British writer, actor and tall person

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Bob and his wife live up north. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through" Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park . . ." then the power goes out. Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?" With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?" 

Edited by Enigma
  • Like 2
  • Haha 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 minutes ago, ANTLERS said:

That’s a guy who hit the powerball jackpot then the very next day met the girl of his dreams, strange the way things work out.

For me finding a shed and hitting the powerball jackpot aren’t that far apart. I’ve found one shed now just waiting for my numbers to come up. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, 9jNYstarkOH said:

For me finding a shed and hitting the powerball jackpot aren’t that far apart. I’ve found one shed now just waiting for my numbers to come up. 

I have 40+ miles in since January 1st.... its a grind just like hunting. The difference for me is I hunt deer in travel corridors between bedding and food, or bedding and bedding. I hunt sheds in food and bedding, it's important also to see the difference between "day beds" and primary bedding and where I hunt, the bucks don't spend time with does unless its a really hot food source. Many sheds I find on a few sets of good tracks and buck sign and nothing else. Not these huge trails with multiple size foot prints into fields.

20220307_140353.jpg

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Power of Advertisement

Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of tampons and proceed to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight" the boy replied.

The man continued "Do you know how these are used?"

"Not exactly" says the boy. "But they aren't for me. They’re for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do either”
 

  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.


×
×
  • Create New...