My 11yr old actually listens to me

[Zag]

So my son has something against taking a crap anywhere but at home when possible and he won't crap at school. So last week I said hey when I went to school I'd always use the bathroom in the nurses office, always clean and all alone. Well today was testing and he said it went well, he said it was fine but I had to take a big crap so I went to the nurses office. I almost fell over, wow he does listen.

He just started middle school and he said kids are vaping in the bathroom and he hates having to use them, said it smells terrible.

[ny hunter]

My son is the same way........He actually called my wife a few times to come get him during lunch so he could come home and go,,, 

[Zag]

1 minute ago, ny hunter said:

My son is the same way........He actually called my wife a few times to come get him during lunch so he could come home and go,,, 

Good to know I'm not alone

[ny hunter]

Just now, zag said:

Good to know I'm not alone

Not at all I feel your pain...........LOL... All good....

[Lawdwaz]

I’ve crapped in some wild places!!

One time I was visiting my mom’s grave in Forest Lawn and got all shook up.  All of a sudden I had to go NOW.  My only option was a 5 gallon bucket in my cargo van....not to be deterred, I did what I had to and went back to the headstone to finish my visit.  

There’s many more such stories but dinners ready.........

 

[grampy]

Thanks for the tip! I work at the school. Next time I gotta go bad, I'll go check out the nurses office!

[Salmon_Run]

OMG, I glad he found some peace and this really made me smile......

[Zag]

Reminds me Larry, yrs ago I hunted across the road from where I grew up. I bet the stand that I was walking to that morning was between 1/2 and 3/4 mile walk. Well a ways into it I got the worst crap cramps, enough so that I was hunched over in pain for a few seconds than it went away. It happened 2 other times during my walk. I finally settled into the stand thinking I could hold it, it was just getting light and I had 2 yearling heading right towards my stand, then the pain came back so much, I flew down the screw-in steps and dropped pants right at the base of the tree. I lite up the woods and had no TP, made the best of it and walked back home. One of those never forget moments I guess.

[crappyice]

Reminds me Larry, yrs ago I hunted across the road from where I grew up. I bet the stand that I was walking to that morning was between 1/2 and 3/4 mile walk. Well a ways into it I got the worst crap cramps, enough so that I was hunched over in pain for a few seconds than it went away. It happened 2 other times during my walk. I finally settled into the stand thinking I could hold it, it was just getting light and I had 2 yearling heading right towards my stand, then the pain came back so much, I flew down the screw-in steps and dropped pants right at the base of the tree. I lite up the woods and had no TP, made the best of it and walked back home. One of those never forget moments I guess.

Bet there was corn in it! Baiting! Cheater!


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[Skillet]

This one time, we had dinner at my ex's parent's house. Ate a ton of clams, and got all messed up (blackout) on Genny cream ale.

Long story short, I woke up butt naked on their couch at 3 am. Covered in dried $h!t.

Turns out, I had crapped at the top of of the stairs. On the carpet. Stripped naked, stepped in it, and tracked it down the carpeted stairs.

I spent the next two hours scrubbing poop footsteps out, threw away my ex's shoes that were on the landing, (they had crap in them), and washed up quick before anyone woke up.

Thought I had it all taken care of.

Well as it turns out, I must have wiped my ass loofah style with a few of the bath towels, because my ex found them in the kitchen garbage the next morning.

Some quick thinking on my part, and I blamed it on the dog. Said he'd had the runs, I couldn't find anything else to use to clean it.

That story turned out to be a stroke of genius because there was still a huge $h!tstain (couldn't scrub it all out) at the top of the stairs to corroborate it, and the dog (poor bastard) hadn't been feeling well.

I came away like a hero, the dog took the blame, and to this day, I bet there is one nasty stain on that carpet.

Who got the last laugh now, Baby.

Edited September 24, 2019 by Skillet

[helmut in the bush]

WOW

[doebuck1234]

1 hour ago, Skillet said:

This one time, we had dinner at my ex's parent's house. Ate a ton of clams, and got all messed up (blackout) on Genny cream ale.

Long story short, I woke up butt naked on their couch at 3 am. Covered in dried $h!t.

Turns out, I had crapped at the top of of the stairs. On the carpet. Stripped naked, stepped in it, and tracked it down the carpeted stairs.

I spent the next two hours scrubbing poop footsteps out, threw away my ex's shoes that were on the landing, (they had crap in them), and washed up quick before anyone woke up.

Thought I had it all taken care of.

Well as it turns out, I must have wiped my ass loofah style with a few of the bath towels, because my ex found them in the kitchen garbage the next morning.

Some quick thinking on my part, and I blamed it on the dog. Said he'd had the runs, I couldn't find anything else to use to clean it.

That story turned out to be a stroke of genius because there was still a huge $h!tstain (couldn't scrub it all out) at the top of the stairs to corroborate it, and the dog (poor bastard) hadn't been feeling well.

I came away like a hero, the dog took the blame, and to this day, I bet there is one nasty stain on that carpet.

Who got the last laugh now, Baby.

Epic.Best shitstain story ive heard yet.hats off to you bwahahaha!!!!!

[Red]

I'm with lawdwaz I've gone in some crazy places in between cats at a car lot once coming home from a restaurant with the wife and kids I had to go really bad I turned on to our street 10 or so houses from home I park the car yell to the wife see you at home and went in some ones front bushes. When I have to go I'm going.  I always wear a beater under my T shirt makes for great TP

[Red]

7 hours ago, Red said:

I'm with lawdwaz I've gone in some crazy places in between cars at a car lot once coming home from a restaurant with the wife and kids I had to go really bad I turned on to our street 10 or so houses from home I park the car yell to the wife see you at home and went in some ones front bushes. When I have to go I'm going.  I always wear a beater under my T shirt makes for great TP

 

[BigVal]

Legendary. I can't compete but at a concert a buddy drank so much he shit himself and stripped naked in the outhouse. He came outside as naked and laid under a spicket by thr campgrounds. Hes now a buffalo cop lol. 

[BizCT]

Wtf are you guys eating? I’ve gotten black out drunk many a times and never had to shit so bad I couldn’t just use a toilet. I shit in the woods a bunch as a kid but that was for fun, not because I couldn’t get to a toilet.


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[UpStateRedNeck]

I can't compete with that epic sh!t story, but here's one of my favorites :

In college I had a (obviously now ex) live-in girlfriend that worked for KFC.  Naturally my buddies and I took advantage of this and ate there on a very frequent basis.  One day, in the midst of drinking, we decided it was food time.  After eating what had to be for the 5th day in a row the Colonel's banquet, we were BS'ing and drinking in the parking lot, when I thought I had to fart quite badly. 

Public Service Announcement: Malt Liquor + KFC for several days straight is not a safe environment for farting.

So when the hot jet hit the back of my boxers I decided I'd go in and clean up before getting in the car for the drive back.  In the bathroom, that my ex would have to clean up later, most of the damage was contained by my boxers, but would leave a mess if I pulled them off.  IDEA!  Whip out the trusty swiss army knife, use the scissors to clip the boxers off and peel em off like a brown curtain! Toss em in the paper towel trash, use some paper towels to get the worst of the mess off, then on the way out tell my ex that some disgusting pig left a nasty mess in her bathroom!

[turkeyfeathers]

@sodfather has been rumored to leave smartwool socks frequently in the woods 

[Moho81]

Y'all are messed up people! 

 

I'm with Zag's son I avoid going anywhere but home and work at all cost and will only go elsewhere if I really have to. 

[Skillet]

3 minutes ago, Moho81 said:

Y'all are messed up people! 

Know what's messed up?

Her Dad is still my hunting partner. He still doesn't know the real story. I wonder what the statute of limitations is on that one... Haha

[Core]

4 hours ago, Biz-R-OWorld said:

Wtf are you guys eating? I’ve gotten black out drunk many a times and never had to shit so bad I couldn’t just use a toilet. I shit in the woods a bunch as a kid but that was for fun, not because I couldn’t get to a toilet.


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Damn. I still remember it like it was yesterday. 2002 my wife and I went for a walk and it was all she could do to keep me from running into the woods on the way back and using a leaf as toilet paper. It just wouldn't go away. I remember as a kid if I ignored it, I could revisit the situation a couple hours later. That doesn't seem possible anymore. 

[BizCT]

18 minutes ago, Core said:

Damn. I still remember it like it was yesterday. 2002 my wife and I went for a walk and it was all she could do to keep me from running into the woods on the way back and using a leaf as toilet paper. It just wouldn't go away. I remember as a kid if I ignored it, I could revisit the situation a couple hours later. That doesn't seem possible anymore. 

Seems odd. I don't know any who has shit their pants by accident. Mind over matter, just wait till you get to a bathroom or if hunting just shit in the woods.

[steve863]

This thread has just proved what I always suspected.  That a lot of you guys are full of shit.

 

[Core]

34 minutes ago, Biz-R-OWorld said:

Seems odd. I don't know any who has shit their pants by accident. Mind over matter, just wait till you get to a bathroom or if hunting just shit in the woods.

I can proudly say I've never done it, either, but I can also say that I was pretty damn close.

Course this may have been around the time I was eating Olestra chips. 

[Don_C]

22 hours ago, zag said:

So my son has something against taking a crap anywhere but at home when possible and he won't crap at school. So last week I said hey when I went to school I'd always use the bathroom in the nurses office, always clean and all alone. Well today was testing and he said it went well, he said it was fine but I had to take a big crap so I went to the nurses office. I almost fell over, wow he does listen.

He just started middle school and he said kids are vaping in the bathroom and he hates having to use them, said it smells terrible.

My youngest son was the same way. He would never use a public bathroom anywhere. One time in 9th grade he couldn't hold it any longer and asked to be excused from class, the teacher told him no. He walked out of class and ran to the bathroom. He was suspended for doing so. I called his doctor and he actually sent a note saying that he was to be excused from any class or function at any time to use the restrooms. It was funny at the time, Oh hell... it's still funny when we talk about him having a POOP PASS all through high school.

To this day he won't use a public restroom to crap unless it's an emergency.