Daughter's & Boyfriends.........

[Lawdwaz]

Uncharted waters here folks........................17 yo daughter going to movie with "boyfriend".   She wanted him to come over and watch Netflixs and I said no.  I'm nervous as hell about it and don't know how to handle it.  IIRC he is 2 years older, a past classmate.

 

What scares me is my memory is still pretty good and I remember how I was at 17, 19 or EVEN 13.   This is difficult stuff for me........at this point probably the toughest yet. 

 

I know I'll be fine and more importantly so will she...............

 

 

 

 

Kids...........I thought things would get easier as they got older!

[DirtTime]

I do not have children. I remember how I was at that age also.

But, here's a thought, what you are feeling right now is how some father thought about you. They trusted you, so why not offer that trust as well? 

[Deerthug]

I went through this with my daughter at 16 wanting to date and having a boyfriend. At 17 she ended up with a kid she grew up with through school and in her karate program. My wife and I trusted him but he turned out to be an a$$ and coldhearted.

In march 2014 when we lost my sister in law to cancer, and to whom my daughter looked up to as her second mom, my daughter was devastated and unconsolable. He was more concerned about becoming an RA at his college than being there for her. Needless to say she dumped his a$$ right after that and basically the word boyfriend has not come up since then. And now that she is going away to college she is looking forward to closing that chapter in her life and hopefully moving on to bigger and better things.

As far as letting them go out or staying at home to watch movies, i would rather have them in my house while I'm home than out and about. On the other hand if she has an iPhone, " he find my iPhone" app works really well if you know what i mean.

As far as trusting him or your daughter, if you raised your daughter right by giving her strong moral values, and knowing that she has a good head on her shoulders, then I would not be too worried. But one thing is for sure, no matter how old they get as a father you never stop worrying about them. But I guess they need to live and learn and hopefully they will take some of our advice as parents.

[Elmo]

I met my nieces boyfriend over a dinner and me and my bro the indirect "we'll kick your @$$ if you try anything funny" routine.  It was easier for me since she's my niece as oppose to daughter but none the less it's still tough to think she's all grown up.

 

From what I remember as a teen, teenagers will do what they will do.  You just have to hope you did a good job up to that point.  Rather than fight the tide, you can only hope to steer it in the right direction.  So in that respect, I agree with Deerthug.  She's going to date and she's going to do what she's going to do.  It's better than it's done with your knowledge as oppose to behind your back.  Netflix at your place is a great place to be.

[Pygmy]

Invite the kid over a couple of times..

Whenever he shows up, make sure you're field stripping your 1911 or sharpening a big knife and SMILING....

One of my daughter's ex-boyfriends is STILL convinced I want to shoot him, and she's been married for ten years...

[CuseHunter]

Well here is some advice from a youngin'. I'm 22 and can only imagine what you're worried about and being of the age, I can definitely understand the concerns.

With that said, in my experience it's BEST if you're at the girls parents house. I wouldn't try any funny business at someone's house with their parents home. I respect women and their parents, I can only assume others do too.

If you lock her down too much, be wary. I've met girls who have fathers that were the textbook hardasses and all I can say is they took that resistance and it didn't help the case.

I know it has got to be hard... I can only imagine myself in your shoes. My advice is that you be stern, but also give her some room. The best thing you can do is control the environment.

[GreeneHunter]

I have two Daughters ... I always show off my 8 Pointer on the wall to potential boyfriend candidates and give a short synopsis of my military history .... enough said !

[First-light]

Let him come over. They watch TV in the family room and no blankets………..

[cdmckane]

My father in law told me when I first started dating my wife that he didn't have a problem going BACK to prison.

[ELMER J. FUDD]

"Cleanin' this gun..."

[Deerthug]

Well here is some advice from a youngin'. I'm 22 and can only imagine what you're worried about and being of the age, I can definitely understand the concerns.

With that said, in my experience it's BEST if you're at the girls parents house. I wouldn't try any funny business at someone's house with their parents home. I respect women and their parents, I can only assume others do too.

If you lock her down too much, be wary. I've met girls who have fathers that were the textbook hardasses and all I can say is they took that resistance and it didn't help the case.

I know it has got to be hard... I can only imagine myself in your shoes. My advice is that you be stern, but also give her some room. The best thing you can do is control the environment.

So..... Whats your 5 year plan?? LOL!

[Curmudgeon]

It's time for The Talk!

[skully]

There is nothing you could do about it.  Let nature take its course or you could make things worse.  Let him over at the house so you could get to know him better.  It will make things easier on everyone.......

[WNYBuckHunter]

It's time for The Talk!

 

At 17 she should have had the talk already. My daughter is 11, starting to have crushes on boys, and the talks (yes, there will be more than one of them) have already started.

[grampy]

My first girlfriend's father was an ex special forces vet. He had those crazy far away eyes. But he was a really cool guy. He sat me down before our first going out date and his eyes bored right through me when he said that all his war decorations meant nothing to him,but his "daughter"meant "EVERYTHING" to him..........I never touched her.

[Nomad]

Mine our 25, and ,22 and out of the house but here's how it went .

First "dates" are at our home while we are home......

Ok if a kid shows up I have never met would i let him borrow my shotgun?

Ok then why would I let him ride off with my daughter ? After we've met him a couple times the leash gets longer.

[Culvercreek hunt club]

My daughter is 20. I have lived by the motto "keep your friends close and your enemies closer". The only way you are gonna get to know him is to have him around. And better yet that is a perfect way for him to get to know the crazy side of you.

[steve863]

I really doubt that all this talk about flashing gun metal and trophies in front of the face of your daughters boyfriend will stop them from doing what they want to do.  Don't forget it takes TWO to tango, so in most cases all the blame can't fall on the boyfriend.  Girls want boyfriends and relationships more than the boys do, so if you put all the blame on the boy you're only looking at the situation the way you want to see it while trying to avoid putting any blame on your daughter.  Whatever might happen between them, I think in the vast majority of cases they will BOTH be willing participants.  The best anyone can hope for is to instill values in children from a young age and hopefully it will carry thru in their lives once they start making their own decisions.  Other than that there isn't much a parent can do about it.  If you shoot that wiseass boyfriend, it will be YOUR ass ending up in jail and not his.

 

 

 

[growalot]

F.. me I won't even address that.....No yes I will...I had this kid in school I wouldn't go out with him..see I knew....so he started sniffing around my home and parents when I was at practices...one night I get home and he is sitting in the living room with them...Oh go out for pizza ..no thank you...he's a nice guy just be home before 11pm....Well he thought they'd given him the green light because next thing I know we are not driving to Geneseo but down a farmers lane and he stopped....had I not been athletic and a raging bull when pushed to far...I would have been raped that night...as it was I was bruised scared out of my mind and had a long dark walk home...he had blue _alls and a sore Adams apple.

No.. It's not they both wanted it..... a girl ,normal girl, is no more than prey to many a high school boys.... both physically and physiologically.

[wooly]

........................17 yo daughter going to movie with "boyfriend".   She wanted him to come over and watch Netflixs and I said no. 

 

I'm sure she'll be just fine, and you're just worried you didn't prepare her well enough to handle this day you knew would eventually come.

She's probably more prepared for it than you are right now and she wont disappoint you.

 

Unless this young lad came knocking at he door to pick her up holding a 6pk of Genny Lights..., you got nothing to worry about!

I suspect your daughter has better taste then this anyhow,lol!

 

[steve863]

F.. me I won't even address that.....No yes I will...I had this kid in school I wouldn't go out with him..see I knew....so he started sniffing around my home and parents when I was at practices...one night I get home and he is sitting in the living room with them...Oh go out for pizza ..no thank you...he's a nice guy just be home before 11pm....Well he thought they'd given him the green light because next thing I know we are not driving to Geneseo but down a farmers lane and he stopped....had I not been athletic and a raging bull when pushed to far...I would have been raped that night...as it was I was bruised scared out of my mind and had a long dark walk home...he had blue _alls and a sore Adams apple.

No.. It's not they both wanted it..... a girl ,normal girl, is no more than prey to many a high school boys.... both physically and physiologically.

 

 

Oh man, I just saw this one coming from a mile away.  That's all I will say about it.

[steve863]

I'm sure she'll be just fine, and you're just worried you didn't prepare her well enough to handle this day you knew would eventually come.

She's probably more prepared for it than you are right now and she wont disappoint you.

 

Unless this young lad came knocking at he door to pick her up holding a 6pk of Genny Lights..., you got nothing to worry about!

I suspect your daughter has better taste then this anyhow,lol!

 

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17 year old girls like dating Pygmy.  They get a kick out of him losing his dentures when biting into the pizza!  LOL

[ATbuckhunter]

I have no kids and make no assumptions that I know what your going through but I do have something to say. Shes probably going have a boyfriend with or with out your permission. You cant avoid it unfortunately so you might as well save some face and possibly any damaging effects to the relationship between you and your daughter. I would suggest that you have them come over and watch netflix over your house instead of going somewhere, where you have no control over.  

[ants]

I have two daughters and the fact is that it never gets any easier…Sorry.  Im sure you raised her well and she will make good decisions when it comes to boy friends but you will never stop worrying about her. Thats just the way it is.

[Fletch]

My daughter is just starting the dating teen phase. The best advise is raise them right before you get to this age!! They should know what healthy relationships are with friends or boyfriends and how people should be treated. They should hopefully have values and morals you have been trying to instill in them forever now.

 

That said it is hard to look at any boy near my daughter knowing what teen boys can be like! My daughter has never been allowed to go anywhere with anyone boys or girls that we did not meet and approve of first. And with a little recon work...we live in a fairly small town so that is easier.

 

She has her first boyfriend now and he has been warned by me, my mother in law(that was funny!), and about 4 of my big mean looking friends.... He is actually a decent kid so far. But he comes here and either my wife or I are around supervising. And starting a few short trips during daytime like for pizza... he drives which is another issue. My wife made him drive her around to judge his driving skills.

 

I don't want to let her out of my sight ever lol but I realize I need to trust my daughter to some extent and reinforce that we are always there for her and try to minimize bad decisions...

Edited June 17, 2015 by Fletch