Parenting advice

[sodfather]

I know I may regret  seeking parenting advice on a hunting forum but maybe someone can give me some advice. My daughter shot in a archery Tournament today and did not do good. This is her 2nd tournament that she shot horrible and the frustration on her face everyone watching could see. It was a lot of arrows 100 to be exact but even after 12 I could see she was intimidated and very nervous. I just had a talk with her and asked if she was troubled by the pressure or scoring good and it was both. She doesn't want to do another tournament again and she doesn't even want to go to her weekly shoots every single week. She also told me she doesn't love it anymore and hasn't for a while.  I don't want to be a father that just pushes against her will but I'm also not one of those who quits. So what should I do ? Should I just let her take a break and let her come back at her own pace or have her get right back on just make it fun with balloons or something? 

[SmokeinTN]

I learned a long time ago when the kids were having problems not to pressure them from a parents perspective. Some times talking with the coach can help out a lot. I know I was on both ends. Best of luck.

[First-light]

I would leave it alone. If she wants to come back to it fine. But if not cherish the time you had shooting with her. My daughter did this with ice hockey. I played a lot and got her into it. In the end she said I did it for you Dad I knew how much you love it. That was it and I never pressured her again. She hasn't picked up a stick since....

[Jdubs]

If her heart isn't into it, then tell her you love her and will support whatever she chooses next.

[steve863]

I second what First-light said.  If she doesn't like it she doesn't like it.  We can't expect our kids to be clones of us and like everything we do.

[moog5050]

I too am in the let it go camp. She will come back to it if she likes it.  If not, she will be relieved she got it off her chest and you aren’t pushing. 

Also, be sure to find something else that she likes you can do together.   Good luck.  Parenting ain’t easy 

Edited February 18, 2018 by moog5050

[Nomad]

Let it go .

Two adult daughters , a RN and a CPA at one of the big four, been through it all the sports and stuff . It all may seem a big deal at the time, but it’s nothing down the road , let them excel at life .

Dont  force anything  , I had one who kept getting cut and would come home and cry and the other quit  varsity B.B. her senior year because a few minutes on the floor wasn’t worth all the year round effort to her .

Know that  it’s doesn’t mean a thing down the road ,although it may seem a big deal now .

im a pretty good salmon skier ,it was my passion for 40 plus years.  My youngest can also salmon   But the oldest never even got up on two skis , I never pushed it .

Today I hunt with the oldest and ski with the youngest , just let th flow take you where it does .

Edited February 18, 2018 by Stay at home Nomad

[grampy]

If their heart is really in to it, you'll know. If it's not, you'll know. Support them either way.

[BizCT]

I’m not a parent, but I say let it go and see what happens down the road. My dad was disappointed when I stopped caring about hunting when I was like 18-25 and would rather party All night than wake up early. I came back around. My brother never got back into hunting and is a doctor now. Like Larry said, there will be other things in life.


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[Jeremy K]

My little guy is a bit younger ,however , i would try and go the route of finishing what you started . If she sees it to the end and never wants to touch a bow again then so be it . As adults ,most of us realize how healthy it is to humbled from time to time , unfortunately its hard to explain this to kids. 

[philoshop]

I agree with what others have posted here: Let it go. If her heart is not in it and she doesn't have that 'will to excel', she'll never be happy doing it.

[ADK Native]

2 hours ago, sodfather said:

She also told me she doesn't love it anymore and hasn't for a while.

I would tell her that you respect her choice to stop archery.  Then immediately follow up with asking her what other interest(s) she would like to do because you are ready and willing to help and support her in that effort.  Otherwise she might think its archery or nothing, like it or leave it.  Then you risk resentment and alienation.

[nyslowhand]

Agree with everyone else. When you push, they often get pushed away.

[Four Season Whitetail's]

2 hours ago, sodfather said:

I know I may regret  seeking parenting advice on a hunting forum but maybe someone can give me some advice. My daughter shot in a archery Tournament today and did not do good. This is her 2nd tournament that she shot horrible and the frustration on her face everyone watching could see. It was a lot of arrows 100 to be exact but even after 12 I could see she was intimidated and very nervous. I just had a talk with her and asked if she was troubled by the pressure or scoring good and it was both. She doesn't want to do another tournament again and she doesn't even want to go to her weekly shoots every single week. She also told me she doesn't love it anymore and hasn't for a while.  I don't want to be a father that just pushes against her will but I'm also not one of those who quits. So what should I do ? Should I just let her take a break and let her come back at her own pace or have her get right back on just make it fun with balloons or something? 

Its not up to you to say if she " Quit's" or not.   Support and positive words are the order of the day. A nudge here and there wont hurt but no pushing or pressure.

[ADK Native]

2 hours ago, sodfather said:

I know I may regret  seeking parenting advice on a hunting forum but maybe someone can give me some advice.

Nothing to ever regret when it comes to your children.   You should never regret doing whatever it takes to have your children grow up happy, healthy, intelligent, productive and law abiding.  There is nothing more important than your family, nothing.

[Zag]

But not pushing can lead to quitting not only with this but other challenges she might face. The reality is if she shot well she would be feeling much better and would be building confidence. Instead the shoot went bad and her confidence went with it. It natural for a child to feel the failure and want to quit and hide.

I would let it sit for a few days and get back at it, maybe tell her once she shoots (blank well) she has the choice to hang it up or keep going. That way she has a goal to reach if she truly wants to quit she can once she reaches it, hopefully when she does reach it she will have built confidence and will want to achieve more with it. Just my 2 cents

[sodfather]

10 minutes ago, zag said:

But not pushing can lead to quitting not only with this but other challenges she might face. The reality is if she shot well she would be feeling much better and would be building confidence. Instead the shoot went bad and her confidence went with it. It natural for a child to feel the failure and want to quit and hide.

I would let it sit for a few days and get back at it, maybe tell her once she shoots (blank well) she has the choice to hang it up or keep going. That way she has a goal to reach if she truly wants to quit she can once she reaches it, hopefully when she does reach it she will have built confidence and will want to achieve more with it. Just my 2 cents

This is what I feel. I know she loves it I think the I quit came poor day shooting with everyone watching, her confidence is shot. I think she will be back but probably take a break from tournaments. 

[jjb4900]

2 hours ago, sodfather said:

I know I may regret  seeking parenting advice on a hunting forum but maybe someone can give me some advice. My daughter shot in a archery Tournament today and did not do good. This is her 2nd tournament that she shot horrible and the frustration on her face everyone watching could see. It was a lot of arrows 100 to be exact but even after 12 I could see she was intimidated and very nervous. I just had a talk with her and asked if she was troubled by the pressure or scoring good and it was both. She doesn't want to do another tournament again and she doesn't even want to go to her weekly shoots every single week. She also told me she doesn't love it anymore and hasn't for a while.  I don't want to be a father that just pushes against her will but I'm also not one of those who quits. So what should I do ? Should I just let her take a break and let her come back at her own pace or have her get right back on just make it fun with balloons or something? 

there are so many much more important things to worry about....don't let this be be the one to bring you down.

[Robhuntandfish]

I would tell her let's take a break from tournaments but hope you'll still shoot with Dad.  And you can still enjoy something together and she might get more into it later.  Success and enjoyment doesn't have to be competition, she may just become a bow hunter one day and you'll be real proud when she takes her first deer with you there. Or you might just get some time together in the backyard.   It's a win either way 

[Nomad]

There is some wisdom in Zags post . I always told mine if they start something they finish . They can quit after the season or whatever .

The BB player who quit went on to graduate Suma cum laude , was a TA while getting her masters and took and passed two,parts of the cpa exam at the same time , so not much of a quitter over all .

quitting a hobby or sport , here and there is no big deal, if it’s part of a larger pattern then perhaps , step in. .

[bkln]

Like everyone already said, ask her if that's what she wants, tell her you love her and you will support her no matter what. Then tell her you here if she wants to talk... that's all you can do at this point. You already did a lot. Let the chips fall where they may. Good luck.

[tommyc50]

9 minutes ago, sodfather said:

This is what I feel. I know she loves it I think the I quit came poor day shooting with everyone watching, her confidence is shot. I think she will be back but probably take a break from tournaments. 

yeah you hit it on the head .Let her take a break and she will get back into it  in her own time better than before cause  she wants it and there no pressure.Let her come to you when shes ready

[nyslowhand]

9 minutes ago, sodfather said:

This is what I feel. I know she loves it I think the I quit came poor day shooting with everyone watching, her confidence is shot. I think she will be back but probably take a break from tournaments. 

^^ and when she returns, it'll be because she wants to, not because she was coerced into continuing something she dreads. Need to walk the grey area between coercion and encouragement. Oh yeah, with a lot of patience!!!

Great advice from other's about encouraging "stick-to-it-ness", but dropping a hobby doesn't seem like that big a deal to me either. Hell, I tried bowling & golf, quit both after too many frustrating hours/days/months and being humiliated.

My advice is to you, dad. Is tournament archery something you like and want her to like also, merely because it's something you two can do together? Take a couple steps back and view this from all angles &/or sides! The father-daughter relationship is much more complicated and fragile than father-son bonding.

[Moho81]

If her weekly shoot is a league that has a defined ending date I’m in the thought of making her finish that out then she can decide if she wants to do it again the following session/year. Finish what you started. My oldest is only 7 but this is what I’ve told her in past when she wants to get involved with something. If you going to start it your going to finish it. Of course this comes with tons of encouragement and support.


As for the tournaments no need to do those until she wants to. Confidence and performing under pressure is not easy and not natural for everyone but it is something that can be taught over time.

If she decides to never touch a bow again find something else she wants to do and roll with it.

In the end she’s your daughter and I’m sure you already have a great handle on how to proceed. Hopefully some of us one way or another just affirmed what you already knew.


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[Doc]

It is amazing how competition can put frustrations on an activity that you love and really totally screw it up for you. I was an adult when terminal target panic set in, and eventually drove me out of competition and turned my interests toward hunting. The frustration of competition can be an ugly force, and sometimes it is best to step away for a bit and maybe even forever. What I found was that  it set up a "death spiral". The more I worked at form and performance, the worse my scores went and the more entrenched the target panic became. It became an incurable downward trend. So I decided that before things got so bad that I absolutely hated the bow, I would discontinue the part of archery that was ruining archery for me. As it turned out, it was the right choice.

I think that as long as she has given it a fair try, she has probably made the right choice for what she is experiencing.