Wedding frustration

[Nomad]

So our oldest is getting married , I really like the groom ,his father and step mom live out of state in a million dollar home on lake , I,live in a maybe 200k house on a street  . They said they’d give 10k towards the wedding ,  now months later they said no . I’m like wtf , my daughter brings way more to the table , income , owns the house they live in , is in the wills of three multi millionaires ,but regardless how can you go back on your word . I can easily afford the wedding but his gulls me to no end .

We met them a couple weeks ago hit it off well, I especially with her ,I’m just in shock . Years back a friend said my girls should have pre nuptial agreements ,now I’m in agreement with that . Rant off ….. maybe .

Edited August 18, 2021 by Nomad

[Nytracker]

That is a terrible  way to start a relationship.  Have to wonder what they are thinking and would make  me suspect there motives .  Not knowing the soon to be SIL I would strongly  suggest  prenup.  A man has to live to his word. Have to question his character if the fathers character is in question.

Just my thoughts.

[Shoots100]

Simple, $10,000 for two tickets to their wedding.

[Bionic]

Prenup regardless, but the parents prove why by taking back their word.  Plant corn, get corn, no disrespect.

Edited August 19, 2021 by Bionic

[mowin]

7 minutes ago, Nomad said:

So our oldest is getting married , I really like the groom ,his father and step mom live out of state in a million dollar home on lake , I,live in a maybe 200k house on a street  . They said they’d give 10k towards the wedding ,  now months later they said no . I’m like wtf , my daughter brings way more to the table , income , owns the house they live in , is in the wills of three multi millionaires ,but regardless how can you go back on your word . I can easily afford the wedding but his gulls me to no end .

We met them a couple weeks ago hit it off well, I especially with her ,I’m just in shock . Years back a friend said my girls should have pre nuptial agreements ,now I’m in agreement with that . Rant off ….. maybe .

Ugh... This makes me wish my stepdaughter never get married. 

Good luck. I guess I'd ask them why they are pulling back. If they don't have a good answer, maybe calling them out during the wedding reception might be in order. 

[Jeremy K]

Pre nup sounds in order but I'm sure everything will end up fine for the newlyweds . Maybe the groom's father is s hoyt guy and found out you're an elite fella.

[Swamp_bucks]

I would mention it to him.  Is your daughter and future SIL aware of the situation?  If not that would be my first phone call. It's there wedding and if they expected to do XYZ and no longer can they do need an honest explanation.  So that way if they need to they can try and come up with the money on there own.

[Caveman]

I know this is probably raw and you are just venting, Nomad, but I'd start with a conversation.  You don't know what could have happened on their end.  They may have had a falling out with their son over something important that you are not privy to.  They may have suddenly fallen on hard financial times.  They may even feel horrible about this, but are too embarrassed to give the real reason.  You just never know.  You even said you just met them a few weeks ago.  Then again, they could also just be cheap.  Who knows?  Just try not to jump to conclusions, and whatever you do try not to hold it against your soon-to-be son-in-law.  

[Nomad]

I love the fiancé, he’s solid, asked me for my daughters hand in marriage, and he was in fear of me lol . I’m not about to,cause a family riff , and no there’s no hardship on there end .

Side note the grandfather just died , his Dad said he’d pay for the sons airfare but not our daughters, then his super rich sister, said that’s BS and paid for our daughters lol .it’s just odd 

[Versatile_Hunter]

28 minutes ago, Swamp_bucks said:

I would mention it to him.  Is your daughter and future SIL aware of the situation?  If not that would be my first phone call. It's there wedding and if they expected to do XYZ and no longer can they do need an honest explanation.  So that way if they need to they can try and come up with the money on there own.

Daughter relayed info to @Nomad so  the kids are aware. Groom’s parents have been avoiding the topic altogether. But then again, this is just my guess. 

[Lawdwaz]

Can't judge a book by it's cover.........they could be in a bad way financially as crazy as it appears. 

 

[Nomad]

41 minutes ago, Jeremy K said:

Pre nup sounds in order but I'm sure everything will end up fine for the newlyweds . Maybe the groom's father is s hoyt guy and found out you're an elite fella.

He’s acting more like a Mathews guy ….

[WNYTRPR]

My buddy is rich ,million dollar house ,always thinks everyone is out for their money .My uncle was the same way .Could be their problem .

[Versatile_Hunter]

57 minutes ago, Nomad said:

So our oldest is getting married , I really like the groom ,his father and step mom live out of state in a million dollar home on lake , I,live in a maybe 200k house on a street  . They said they’d give 10k towards the wedding ,  now months later they said no . I’m like wtf , my daughter brings way more to the table , income , owns the house they live in , is in the wills of three multi millionaires ,but regardless how can you go back on your word . I can easily afford the wedding but his gulls me to no end .

We met them a couple weeks ago hit it off well, I especially with her ,I’m just in shock . Years back a friend said my girls should have pre nuptial agreements ,now I’m in agreement with that . Rant off ….. maybe .

Sucks man, it’s terrible to feel deceived. But if money isn’t an important consideration, don’t let it get to you. Focus on your daughter and SIL’s future and make this the special day it should be. Also, if you pay you’re in charge. Have fun with that

[WNYTRPR]

4 minutes ago, Versatile_Hunter said:

Sucks man, it’s terrible to feel deceived. But if money isn’t an important consideration, don’t let it get to you. Focus on your daughter and SIL’s future and make this the special day it should be. Also, if you pay you’re in charge. Have fun with that

Hate to agree with this guy but it’s true My Wife and I paid for our entire Wedding ,we still  had a great time .

Edited August 19, 2021 by WNYTRPR

[Versatile_Hunter]

6 minutes ago, WNYTRPR said:

Hate to agree with this guy but it’s true My Wife and I paid for our entire Wedding ,we still  had a great time .

Shit, if he agrees with me do the opposite!

… if only the government had a vaccine for this 

[Nomad]

8 minutes ago, Versatile_Hunter said:

Sucks man, it’s terrible to feel deceived. But if money isn’t an important consideration, don’t let it get to you. Focus on your daughter and SIL’s future and make this the special day it should be. Also, if you pay you’re in charge. Have fun with that

Thanks , I know we don’t align politically ,but  you’re right here in this . Perhaps I’ll sit them with my men from the fire dept , that should teach them ….

[WNYTRPR]

Sit them with Chef ,Gobbler chaser and VH.THAT would teach them 

[Versatile_Hunter]

36 minutes ago, WNYTRPR said:

Sit them with Chef ,Gobbler chaser and VH.THAT would teach them 

Sounds like a hoot! A few more I’d like to add to that table… 

[Hock3y24]

damn i'm cheap. $20 and 20 minutes at my local church and it was done. LOL

[rob-c]

Well just because they seem to have a bunch of money they may not. They could be in debt up to their eyebrows. I hope things go off with out a hitch for you your family and your daughter .

Edited August 19, 2021 by rob-c

[ny hunter]

Pre nup!!!!! for sure... Other then that move forward they are doing you a favor.... No tellling what they would do in the future.......

[airedale]

I know what you would like to do and say and nobody can blame you but this is one of those deals where it is best to say nothing. You do not want your daughter facing an incident right from the get-go in the biggest and hopefully the happiest day of her life. Just let your daughter know you will do the best you can to help have her day and let the chips fall where they may.

Al

[phade]

Assume positive intent - however, my perception is that something went awry. Either money stability changed and they won't admit it, or something went belly up with the kids one or the other. I can't think of much else that would drive that - esp with the part about the plane ticket. That are two data points of consistent actions (as opposed to words). 

Either they don't like your daughter (or something changed), or finances hit home. They're willing to break their word over this, so it is material.

A conversation would be prudent if approached well and with positive intent.

Weddings, while important celebrations, have been the one area where people seem OK to spend a pile of money on but not many people question whether the spend is worth it vs. average cost. People make the event...not the money spent on it.

[johnplav]

My parents said they'd be willing to go up to 20k.