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Head's not in the game...

Bolt action

By Bolt action,
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Bolt action Proficient

Bolt action

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Writing can be therapeutic, so I figure I should jot this down. I tend not to overshare (especially on social media), and so this is a little out of character for me.

My mom passed away suddenly on Sunday the 26th from Covid. She was only 66. She was overweight, but overall in good health. I spoke to her only a day or two before she passed. Never in a million years would I have thought that would be my last time speaking to her. I'm not ready to lose her. My dad passed away suddenly 10 years ago. Because both were sudden, I didn't have the chance to say goodbye to either of them. 

My mom was my motivation to go back to school to work on my degree. When I was younger, in high school, she was a nurse at Strong. She was putting in 60 hour weeks while attending med school at night. She wanted to provide a better life for me and my siblings. She graduated with honors from U of R was able to build her career as an OBGYN. As I got older, that stuck with me. If she could work those long hours and graduate at the top of her class, what was my excuse for settling? She always pushed me to be the best version of myself, whether it was as a son, a parent, a friend, or in my career... never make half an an effort.

She retired a year ago to the day. She knew she wouldn't fair well if she got Covid, so she did everything she was supposed to. She didn't go to birthdays, or holidays.. she rarely went out to social gatherings. She rarely went to the store. She really lived like a hermit over the past 18 months. She even called me a month ago to yell at me for being to casual with my families safety while Covid Delta was surging. She called me last week and was so excited because she just bought my son a gift that she couldn't wait to give him. Then I spoke to her on Friday and she told me she thought she had it. She felt fine, except that she was having a hard time getting around. Just moving through the house was taking the wind out of her. She succumbed to it on Sunday. 

I'm so sad, and so angry for a lot of reasons. She never had a chance to relax in her retirement. She abstained for the past 18 months and missed out on that time with her family. I'm not ready to face reality without her in it. She was always there for anyone who knew her. I think the part that hurts the most is that my boys won't grow up knowing her. They won't get to know her or the great woman that she was. Her memory will live on in pictures and in stories, but neither will do her justice. 

This is a sad reminder that you can't take people, or time, for granted. Each day is a gift. Your world can change unexpectedly and without warning.

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Five Seasons Grand Master

Five Seasons

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Really sorry for your loss. When my grandfather passed a few years ago during the season and my other grandfather prior I found solace in the woods. I brought my bow with me, but there was a zero percent change I was going to even pick it up. You may find the same therapy in the stand or blind reflecting on your life with her.

I hope others read this and understand that there are choices we all make every day that will never make us immortal, but can help extend our lives and no I'm not just referring to what you think I am. Strive to be healthy not just physically, but mentally too. Being angry all the time can be worse than eating too many big macs. Spend time with your loved ones as even the healthiest of people who make all the right decisions can be taken from us suddenly.

God Bless

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Otto Mentor

Otto

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This is heartbreaking and I am so sorry for your sudden loss. You are absolutely correct in saying never take for granted any day or the people around you.   It is a lesson that unfortunately most of us learn the very hard way. 

When you are ready for the woods, I hope it brings you peace and some closure. Until then, honor her life as best you can and remember everything she taught you. 

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phade Mentor

phade

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I am sorry to hear this, I can see the pain in your words. My thoughts are with you.

I don't think you mentioned whether she was vaccinated or not. I would assume so based on your backstory and level of concern. 

That's really rough, and I hope your family can focus on the good times spent with her.

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Bolt action Proficient

Bolt action

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1 minute ago, phade said:

I don't think you mentioned whether she was vaccinated or not. I would assume so based on your backstory and level of concern. 

She was. Although, in her words, the vaccine was only effective against the original strain. When it mutated, the vaccine became less effective. Not sure how accurate that is, although it kinda makes sense.

On that note, she did not go to the doc and get tested to confirm Covid. She had telemed appointments with her primary care doc, and they both agreed that the symptoms she had were consistent with Covid, but there was no need to go into the hospital to risk greater exposure. And since they don't test for Covid post-mortem, her official cause has been reported as respiratory distress.

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suburbanfarmer Veteran

suburbanfarmer

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Sorry for your loss, I somewhat share your grief as my father passed away last yr in October also.

Your words are very true that we cant take anything for granted. Cherish what time we have with our loved ones cause the most important things in life are not things.

My condolences and prayers for you and family.

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SportsmanNH Experienced

SportsmanNH

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My heart goes out to you Bolt . There are no words that I can type to make you feel any better . But I do know  her mark in life was left in you knowing that you will pass it forward to your children . God must of needed her for a special purpose and she was the only one that could fill that position . Prayers go out to your family . 

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grampy Veteran

grampy

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So very sorry for the loss of your beloved Mom.  My deepest thoughts and prayers are with you. 

We all grieve in our own way. I know for me, after my Mom passed, it was the quietness of the woods that brought me closer to her. Many times, I'll sit out there and think of loved ones who have passed on. The joys. The sorrows. They all come back to me. It is there where we can all gather again, until it's my time to join them. It's there, when I'm gone, that I'll go to find my grandsons, and others I have left behind. 

Know that your Mom is with you know, and she loves you very much. Go to your quiet place. Talk to her. She will hear you.

God bless you.

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phade Mentor

phade

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7 minutes ago, Bolt action said:

She was. Although, in her words, the vaccine was only effective against the original strain. When it mutated, the vaccine became less effective. Not sure how accurate that is, although it kinda makes sense.

On that note, she did not go to the doc and get tested to confirm Covid. She had telemed appointments with her primary care doc, and they both agreed that the symptoms she had were consistent with Covid, but there was no need to go into the hospital to risk greater exposure. And since they don't test for Covid post-mortem, her official cause has been reported as respiratory distress.

Man, I just don't have words to make it better. Wish the best for you!

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Robhuntandfish Grand Master

Robhuntandfish

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Sorry for your loss and it sounds like everyones loss from such a good person in the world.  I lost my Dad a month before he was to retire and it sounds like you were close to her as I was to him.  It also sounds a lot like my Mom who I have been worrying a lot about during covid as she also has barely left the house in 18 months and she is considerably older.  Spend time with your family and take time to remember all the good times when you can. Hunting and the solitude of the woods will be there when you need it. Very sorry for your loss. 

Edited by Robhuntandfish
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